Shoot the Dog

Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them - his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog.

Once in the jungle, he explained to his assistant. "I'll climb this tree and shake the branches, if there are any baboons up there, they will fall to the ground - and the dogs will bite their tail and immobilise them so that you can pick them up quite safely and put them in the sack."

"But what do I need the gun for?" asked the assisant.

"If I should fall out of the tree by mistake, shoot the dog."

Let's start swearing with HELL & ASS

Two brothers, ages 6 and 8, decide they are old enough to start cursing. So they plan to use dirty words the next morning at breakfast.

The 8-year-old says he'll use the world HELL and tells the 6-year-old to use ASS.

Well, the next morning they head downstairs for breakfast.

 And when their mother asks them what they want, the 8-year-old says, "Ah, Hell, I'll have some Fruit Loops."

Shocked, the mother wheels around and backhands him on his chair, sending him screaming back upstairs.

She then turns to the 6-year-old and ask, "What are you going to have?" He replies, "I don't know, but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Fruit Loops."

Lawyer Jokes (Q&A)

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?


A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!


Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer twice.


Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start!


Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.


Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.


Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy.


Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.


Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To practice. A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"


Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?

A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and night crawlers


Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U. S.?

A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.


Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more."

Doctor says just a can of beer a day at max.. So be it

Extended Marketing examples Jokes

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and say: "I am very rich. 
"Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing" 

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a 
gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and 
pointing at you says: "He's very rich. 
"Marry him." -That's Advertising" 

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and get her telephone number. The next day, you 
call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. 
"Marry me - That's Telemarketing" 

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up 
and straighten your tie, you 
walk up to her and pour 
her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, 
pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and 
then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you 
"Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations" 

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks 
up to you and says:"You are very rich! 
"Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition" 

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and say: "I am very rich.. Marry me!" She gives you 
a nice hard slap on your face. -   
"That's Customer Feedback" 

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she 
introduces you to her husband. - 
"That's demand and supply gap" 

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a 
party. You go up to 
her and before you say anything, another person come 
and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she 
goes with him - 
"That's competition eating into your market share" 

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your 
wife arrives. - 
"That's restriction for entering new markets" 

Do you know why you did not manage to catch any fish?

Woman: So dear, did you catch any fish?

Man: Yea, a big one!

Woman: Really?

Man: Yea, a really big SHOE! If I'd known that I can't catch any big fishes, I wouldn't have release the
smaller ones. At the very least we still have som fish for dinner.

Woman laughs: Do you know why you didn't manage to catch any big fishes?

Man: Why?

Woman: Because the small fishes have gone back to warn the big fishes about it.

Man: No, that is not true! Nobody would believe a word from kids!

Door Chin/Pull up bar Caution

I am so sad because I am 188cm tall which is quite tall and that my door width and length is not so big :(

Just this week, I've pulled my neck/back muscles 2 twice right after the first one recovered! :(

I'm not discouraging people from using it, just be more careful when using it.

Do not do these things like I did, especially when you are big and tall:

1) Turn your head around i.e. Left/Right, looking here and there or to have the momentum to pull yourself up

2) Talk to someone else and worse off, laugh

It took me about 3-5 days to recover. So terrible because you can't sleep well or train well :(