Asshole is in-charge!

One day the different parts of the body were having anargument to see which should be in charge. 


The brain said, "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."


The eyes said, "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge." 


The hands said, "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."


The stomach said, "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."


The legs said, "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."


Then the rectum said, "I think I should be in charge."


All the rest of the parts said, "YOU?!? You don't do anything! You're not important! You can't be in charge."


So the rectum closed up.  


After a few days, the legs were allwobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky,the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy. 


They all agreed that they couldn't take any more of this and agreed to put the rectum in charge. 


Today's lesson: You don't have to be the most important to be in charge, just an a - - hole."

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing.

The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?'and the deer replied,
'Oh, you are, Master.'

The gorilla walked off pleased.

Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole.

The gorilla roared,'Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied,
'Oh, you are, Master.'

The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant. 'Who is the king of the jungle?' he roared.

With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.

The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.'

Session with the kids and George Bush

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school.
All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President.

He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word "tragedy. "

"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"

The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try? "

 A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"

The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer? " "Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss! "

It's me blonde jokes

Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up.

She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

"Let me look." said the other one.

So she handed her the compact.

The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one. "You dumb ass -- that's ME!"

Chemical Formula for H2O

Teacher: What is the formula for water?
George: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: Is that the formula I gave you?
George: Sure, you said H to O!

Satan's sister is my wife

There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night.

So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home.

The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face.

He just looks at her and says, ''You don't scare me I am married to your sister!'''