Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Mirror or 2-way Glass
Two-WAY GLASS
MIRROR
A Mirror or a 2-Way Glass?
How can you tell when you are in a room, restroom,
motel etc. with a mirror or a 2-way glass?
Here's how: I thought it was quite interesting! And I
know in about 30 seconds you're going to do what I did
and find the nearest mirror.
Do you know how to determine if a mirror is 2-way or
not? A policewoman who travels all over the US and
gives seminars and techniques for businesswomen passed
this on.
When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms,
changing rooms, etc., how many of you know for sure
that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall
is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror (i.e.,
they can see you, but you can't see them)? There have
been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors in
female changing rooms . It is very difficult to
positively identify the surface by looking at it.
So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty
what type of mirror we are looking at?
Just conduct this simple test: Place the tip of your
fingernail against the reflective surface and if there
is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the
nail, then it is GENUINE mirror. However, if your
fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail,
then BEWARE! IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR!
"No Space, Leave the Place" So remember, every time
you see a mirror, do the "fingernail test." It doesn't
cost you anything.
REMEMBER. No Space, Leave the Place
Ladies: Share this with your girlfriends, sisters,
daughters, etc.
Men: Share this with your wives, daughters,
daughters-in-law, mothers, girlfriends and/or friends
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Too Afraid to Cough
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall.
The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what's up.
"He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains.
"So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once."
"Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily.
"Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall.
"Look at him. He's afraid to cough."
The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what's up.
"He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains.
"So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once."
"Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily.
"Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall.
"Look at him. He's afraid to cough."
Cheerio = Punishment?!
Mother calls up stairs, "You boys better get down here and eat your breakfast or you'll be late for school!"
As they are ambling down, the 5-year-old turns to the 4-year-old, stops and says, "Today we're gonna learn to swear!"
The 4-year-old gives a fearful look.
The 5-year-old continues, "When we get to the table, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass'!"
The 4-year-old agrees with reservation. They seat themselves at the table. Mother greets them.
"Good morning boys! What would you like for breakfast?"
The 5-year-old leans back and cocks his head... "Hell Mom! I'll have Cheerios!"
He is promptly escorted to another room while the 4-year-old seated at the table grimaces upon hearing the wailing cries of big brother getting a serious licking.
Mother returns with sniffling 5-year-old.
She turns to 4-year-old and says compassionately, "Well now, what would you like for breakfast?"
The 4-year-old replies, "I don't know ma... But you can bet your ass it ain't Cheerios!"
As they are ambling down, the 5-year-old turns to the 4-year-old, stops and says, "Today we're gonna learn to swear!"
The 4-year-old gives a fearful look.
The 5-year-old continues, "When we get to the table, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass'!"
The 4-year-old agrees with reservation. They seat themselves at the table. Mother greets them.
"Good morning boys! What would you like for breakfast?"
The 5-year-old leans back and cocks his head... "Hell Mom! I'll have Cheerios!"
He is promptly escorted to another room while the 4-year-old seated at the table grimaces upon hearing the wailing cries of big brother getting a serious licking.
Mother returns with sniffling 5-year-old.
She turns to 4-year-old and says compassionately, "Well now, what would you like for breakfast?"
The 4-year-old replies, "I don't know ma... But you can bet your ass it ain't Cheerios!"
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Excessive flatulence without sound and smell ;)
A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she suffered from excessive flatulence, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it until now.
So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while.
At the end, the woman says, "You see, Dr Smith while I've been sitting here talking to you I've broken wind five times, but there's no sound and no smell."
At this point, the Dr. scribbled something on a pad, ripped off a sheet and handed it to the woman.
"What's this? " she asked, "some pills? "
"No ", replied Dr Smith, "that is a prescription for a hearing aid: come in next week, and we'll operate on your nose."
So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while.
At the end, the woman says, "You see, Dr Smith while I've been sitting here talking to you I've broken wind five times, but there's no sound and no smell."
At this point, the Dr. scribbled something on a pad, ripped off a sheet and handed it to the woman.
"What's this? " she asked, "some pills? "
"No ", replied Dr Smith, "that is a prescription for a hearing aid: come in next week, and we'll operate on your nose."
Friday, December 17, 2010
Extended version of the impromptu joke
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the supermarket.
A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head.
The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some idiot out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."
As he was finishing saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half ".
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Canada, sir". "Oh, really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.
The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there."
"My wife is from Canada!!" The boy replied, "Really?? What team did she play for?"
A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head.
The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some idiot out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."
As he was finishing saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half ".
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Canada, sir". "Oh, really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.
The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there."
"My wife is from Canada!!" The boy replied, "Really?? What team did she play for?"
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Now we know how accurate our "Modern" weather forecast intel is
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not.
Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"
The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a
VERY cold winter?"
"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again:
"Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely " the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"
The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a
VERY cold winter?"
"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again:
"Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely " the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
Monday, December 13, 2010
Leave her alone! She's MINE!
A Border Patrol agent is on duty.
He spots two Mexicans and stops them.
They show him their papers, but he thinks they are phony.
He tells them, "Okay, I have a test for you. I want you to use thewords liver and cheese in a sentence."
So, the first guy says, "I made a liver and cheese sandwich for lunch."
The agent says, "That was good, you can go. What about you? " he asks the second guy.
He says, "Liver alone, cheese mine. "
He spots two Mexicans and stops them.
They show him their papers, but he thinks they are phony.
He tells them, "Okay, I have a test for you. I want you to use thewords liver and cheese in a sentence."
So, the first guy says, "I made a liver and cheese sandwich for lunch."
The agent says, "That was good, you can go. What about you? " he asks the second guy.
He says, "Liver alone, cheese mine. "
She wants her photo back, but I don't know which one is her's
The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and
asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
Monday, December 6, 2010
Still Up and Going Strong Early in the MORNING!
Still awake at 5.25am on 6th of December 2010.
The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?"
The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack."
The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?"
The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!""
My dear Serene Jie Jie is chatting with me from UK you know! Don't play play uh!!
So sweet of her right?!
I miss her so much lorrrr! Can't wait to see her back in SG again and we shall go out makan makan and play play and play bball with Anston and more with SERENE!!! :D:D:D
Here's two posts for you! ;) And one joke for you here...
A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack.
The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?"
The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack."
The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?"
The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!""
This is what I call Trade-Off (For Serene)
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal.
The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method.
The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds.
The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method.
The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds.
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