Supervisor to waiters/waitresses: I don't expect the cutleries to be super clean, all I'm asking for is for it to be spotless, the colour must look uniform, am I asking too much?
Waiters/Waitresses: ??!?!?!?!?!??!?! *SHOCKED*
Not long later~
Supervisor checks... Then fainted*
The waiters and waitresses did exactly as the supervisor has said. All the cutleries that have spot(s) on it was made more dirty. Cutleries with coffee stains were soaked in coffee to make the colour look uniform and the other kind of spots.. I'll leave it up to your imagination..
Mother to children: I don't expect all of you to top the whole nation or get exellent grades. All I ask of you is to be like a genius.
Next day, all the children were dressed like Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein and those famous sciencetiests.. all in fuzzy messed up hair and clothings or coat
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Faithful at last
There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful blonde teenage daughters.
The parents decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying, the wife became pregnant, and sure enough, nine months later she delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?!"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."
The parents decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying, the wife became pregnant, and sure enough, nine months later she delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?!"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."
We should not stick our finger in our nose
Five year old Johnny and his little sister are peeping through a keyhole at their parents making love: "Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed even to stick a finger in our nose!"
Bad Bad Hearing
An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding? "
"The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say? "
The old man yells, ""He says you were speeding! "
"The patrolman says, "May I see your license? "
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say? "
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say? "And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding? "
"The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say? "
The old man yells, ""He says you were speeding! "
"The patrolman says, "May I see your license? "
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say? "
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say? "And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The essence of short and sweet - straight to the point
The story of someone getting a haircut.
Women's version:
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Men's version:
Man2: Haircut?
Man1: Yeah.
Women's version:
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Men's version:
Man2: Haircut?
Man1: Yeah.
Too damn slow/dumb/late?
"We have a terrible time making ends meet on Bob's income. " his wife told her best friend.
"How do you two manage? And you even have kids! "
"We get along okay," her friend said. "You see, we work on our budget every evening. That saves us lots of money. "
"Really? How can that be? "
"Well, by the time we get it all balanced, it's too damn late to go anywhere and do anything! "
"How do you two manage? And you even have kids! "
"We get along okay," her friend said. "You see, we work on our budget every evening. That saves us lots of money. "
"Really? How can that be? "
"Well, by the time we get it all balanced, it's too damn late to go anywhere and do anything! "
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
12 Guaranteed Ways to Be Miserable at Work
Don’t appreciate your achievements. Instead, regard them as things that anyone could do or which somehow occurred through no serious effort of your own.
Keep raising the bar. Turn a search for excellence into an exhausting, never-ending quest.
Look at life through a mirror. After all, the rest of the world should behave and think as you do.
Expect others to know when you are upset. Regard their failure as a sign that they are insensitive and uncaring.
Reopen old wounds. Blame your parents, siblings, coworkers, bosses, and teachers. Let no transgression have a statute of limitations.
Worry. Fret about things that are unlikely to happen. Worry some more when they don’t happen.
Embrace martyrdom. Be much harder on yourself than you would be on others.
Don’t enjoy the small things. Keep your eye on the weightier matters. Ignore small pleasures such as watching a sunrise or having a good cup of coffee.
Fall in with bad companions. Associate with people who have similar negative habits so you can reinforce one another’s feelings.
Swing for the fences. Forget the base hits and incremental goals.
Don’t set deadlines. Hey, you’ll get around to it one of these days.
And above all, expect an even playing field. The world is noted for being fair.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
No offense Canadians, I still love you bitches there
One day an Englishman, an
American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together.
They proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian.
Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling...
"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!! "
American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together.
They proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian.
Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling...
"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!! "
There's no toilet paper in here either
A drunk stumbles into a confessional. The priest hears him come in, but then he doesn't hear anything, so the priest knocks on the wall. The drunk says, "Forget it, buddy, there's no paper in this one, either! "
Old lawyer
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.
To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.
But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing.
St. Peter greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special? "
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old! ""
To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.
But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing.
St. Peter greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special? "
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old! ""
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)