A man calls the fire department and says, "Yes, I have just had my front yard landscaped, I have a nice new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain and a new rose garden."

"Very nice," the firefighter says, "but what does that have to do with the fire service?"

"Well," the man answers, "the house next door is on fire and I don't want you to trample my front yard."


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Firemen are always in heat.
Firemen do it wearing rubber.
Firemen do it with a big hose.
Firemen do it with a lot of heat.
Firemen find them hot, and leave them wet.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained:
"You can't park anywhere near this place!"

4 Familiar names you think you know what they are

Surprisingly enough, this well-liked coffeehouse got its name from the first mate in Herman Melville’s novel Moby Dick. Originally called Starbucks Coffee, Tea and Spices, it has since had its name shortened to Starbucks Coffee Company.




Created in 1934 from the Danish phrase “leg godt,” which means “play well,” the name LEGO was later found to mean “I put together” in Latin—the perfect description for this beloved children’s toy company.




Another brand name that originated as an acronym, Yahoo stands for “Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle.” Creators Jerry Yang and David Filo transformed “Jerry and David’s Guide to the World Wide Web” in 1994 into the search engine site that we have today, claiming they also liked the actual definition of a yahoo meaning “rude, unsophisticated, uncouth.”





Believe it or not, the word “Google” was a play on words by founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin in 1997. They longed for a name that would reveal the wide range of information that lives on the Web; the word “Google” was derived from the mathematical term “googol,” meaning a 1 followed by 100 zeros.

Only You Know me~ (Robbie Williams)

Quincy Jones - ♫ Soul Bossa Nova ♫

Guaranteed fantastic art

Amazing Sand Drawing @ Yahoo! Video

Anybody wants to go there with me?

Awwww~ Ain't my boy cute




OMG!!! IT'S HIMMMM!!!!





So how does this look?



Anyone interested?

technician and publisher's jokes

A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at the weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

--------------


"Have you written this poem by yourself?"
"Of course," said the young poet, "Every word of it."
"Well, I am very glad to meet you, Mr. Edgar Allan Poe, I was afraid you are dead for long time."

More complaints over PSLE "tough question(s)"

More and more parents and even members of the public commented on the tough Math questions set for Primary School Leaving Examinations. Why? That's because they do not have a highly capable and specialized tutor like myself. ;) alright jokes aside.

Apparently, not only O' Levels Mathematics' paper one has been approved of the usage of calculator, even primary school students are allowed to do so.

As a result, tougher questions set just to "compensate" the time cut by giving more tougher and complex questions which will FORCE students to spend more time understanding the question and working more steps out.

I've got a question from the PSLE and it goes :

Jim bought some chocolates and gave half of it to Ken. Ken bought some sweets and gave half of it to Jim. Jim ate 12 sweets and Ken ate 18 chocolates. The ratio of Jim’s sweets to chocolates became 1:7 and the ratio of Ken’s sweets to chocolates became 1:4. How many sweets did Ken buy? Ans: 68


What do you think? Is it tough?

Try to lose weight with these guidelines(Not guaranteed)

1. Don't eat anything that is white. Think about most foods that are white and chances are you shouldn't be eating it. Specifically, I'm talking about white bread, pasta, sugar, white rice, and most milk products. Healthy foods like cauliflower, chicken, turkey, fish are all exceptions to this rule. Based on Tio's current eating habits, I didn't think he was all too worried about cauliflower anyway.

2. Only drink water, NOTHING else! How about coffee? Just to keep any possible withdrawal headaches at bay, one small cup of organic black coffee is ok. Can you add half and half?...Well is it white?

3. Don't eat anything with the word wheat in the ingredients list. What if it's whole wheat? Look, if the word starts with W and ends in T and has the letters h-e-a in between, you can't eat it.

Colourful ~

Result of Vending Machine Error

What are the odds?

He's so angry that his bike got stolen!

What to do when your wife spend too much?

Seven reasons why SEX is good! Not to be criticized or discriminated!

1 - Makes you peaceful: researchers in Scotland found that frequent sex leads to lowered diastolic blood pressure allowing you to be more calm in stressful situations

2 - Boosts your ability to combat sickness: having sex once or twice a week means that you'll have more Immunoglobulin A, also known as IgA, which protects your body against infections.

3 - Is a great workout: having sex less than two dozen times at an hour each session will melt off 3,570 calories. "Sex is a great mode of exercise": Dr. Patti Britton, President Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists

4 - Boosts your self-esteem: "one of the reasons why people have sex..." Archives of Sexual Behavior, University of Texas

5 - Strengthens the bond with your lover: Sex and orgasms increases the amount of oxytocin in your body: University of Pittsburgh. "Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and bond." - Dr.Britton

6 - Helps you rest better: Researchers also say that oxytocin released after intercourse helps promote better sleep, which causes a whole host of goodie benefits like maintaining a healthy weight.

7 - Reduces pain: After intercourse, endorphins flood the body and this causes you to almost erase pains headaches, arthritis and even PMS symptoms.




*************WARNING****************


Advised to be carried out with your lover/partner only.

Outing with Ju and Ali and PIC!!!!

Ali, sep and I went to catch a late night movie "the ugly truth" which was hilarious and a lil touching. I would rate it a 3/5** StarsStars I guess. Shall meet up soon again and make sure it's not another bomb the next time! MR SEP! (pls note what NR buses you can take the next time. haha!) I realised that even though we know each other for a few years and yet we've never ever taken a photo tgt before. Wow!


The above from Miss Ju Ju! Hey~!!! Where got bomb bomb lei :( lol in the end still got meet what still watch late night movie wibb chiu hor!!! complaint complaint complaint! LOL hanna hanna no more bombs le kay?

You said it's nice movie still rate so low, higher la!!! And what do you mean by taking note of what NR to go home? you mean more late night movies to come? !!! !!!!

Hahaha photo ah, erm cut my pic then paste paste edit edit ah? okie next time we'll take together.

Check out 2.13 FUCK YOU GUYS!!! :P (kidding, no offense^^)

:D:D:D What a day!

^^ What a day out!


:D :D :D

exhausted but happy^^



************************




No offence to GOD please, just for laughs. ^^ LOVE YOU GOD!!!


************************( a supportive but ignorant mother -.- )

"Mother, I want to grow up and be a rock-n-roll musician."
"Now son, you have to pick one or the other. You can't do both."

Result for poll~!!!

Hello ladies and gentlemen! The poll for "HOW MANY STAR(S) IS/ARE THERE IN OUR GALAXY?" have closed
and the answer to the question is ~ ONE!!! The sun is the only 'STAR' in our GALAXY guys! ^^

Congrats to those who got it correct, can come and claim a candy from me.

By the way the new poll is up, do make your vote/choice^^




Social worker
-------------

A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."

Hey people! Go ahead and scare the people around you! ^^

Big mouth versus Small dick

At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this."
"The truth is," replied the politician, "that she has a big mouth."

Wanna stay lean the convenient way? Here's some tips for flattening abs!

Basically this is called the Abs Vacuum Technique. From the name itself you should be able to guess it how it is going to be like - more or less.



The movement is as simple as pulling your belly button in as far as you can by imagining you're trying to touch your belly button to your spine and holding for 10-20 seconds at a time.


Start by inhaling deeply. Then, as you exhale, start pulling the belly button in towards the spine and hold it there for 10-20 seconds while just taking short breaths. Repeat for several holds.


Get in the habit of doing this at least 4-5 days per week while driving somewhere and you may find that this helps to flatten your stomach more by strengthening the transversus abdominis muscle (the deep abdominal muscles beneath the rectus abdominis) if you previously had a "lazy belly".

Don't angry lurh lao po :(

Loving couple^^ Ho Shuying Vs. Cindy Oh

Miss Bon Qui Qui!

That's what I meant by, you are my dairy queen and you treat me right,
then I'll be your burger king and I'll do it your way

Top 10 Things to do at the Mall

10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.

8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.

7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.

6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.

5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.

4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof".

3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.

2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."

How do Mr Obama prepare before a speech! (Just for laughs, no offense)

CIP!!! Last wednesday or maybe last last?

Tomorrow's Audition for Talent time SMA/CLS!

I've got an idea of what to showcase for the event!

What do you call the place where you stop work?

Good day everyone!
Alright the answer for the previous poll
to the question, which is the largest
internal organ of a human body.


Answer : Liver

Yup! That's right!
It's our liver which is our largest INTERNAL organ!

Good to those 3 who have got it correct
and nice going for those who didn't get it correct too! ;)

Now try the newest question!















An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples."
"I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "this is an orange tree".

*****************************

"I'd give a thousand dollars to the man who would worry for me!"
"You're on. Now, where is those thousand dollars?"
"That is your first worry!"


******************************


A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.
"I know," the employer said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."

"Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake," the worker answered, "but when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."



******************************


If a train station is where the train stops and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?



********************************


An angry man came out of the office of the
newly appointed general manager and say
this to his friend:

"I'm never going to work for that man again"
"Why, what did he say?"
"You're fired"

Lovin' You~

Waiter~!!!

Waiter, waiter, do you have frog's legs?
Certainly, Sir!
Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!

***************************



Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself." The other one said "Okay", and helped himself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!" The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?"


****************************


Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.



*****************************



Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard.



**************************




A traveler became lost in the Sahara desert. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. He was on the verge of passing out when he spied a tent about 500 meters in front of him. Barely conscious, he reached the tent and called out, "Water...".
A bedouin appeared in the tent door and replied sympathetically, "I am sorry, sir, but I have no water. However, would you like to buy a tie?" With this, he brandished a collection of exquisite silken neckwear.

"You fool," gasped the man. "I'm dying! I need water!"
"Well, sir," replied the bedouin, "If you really need water, there is a tent about two kilometers south of here where you can get some."

Without knowing how, the man summoned sufficient strength to drag his parched body the distance to the second tent. With his last ounce of strength he tugged at the door of the tent and collapsed.

Another bedouin, dressed in a costly tuxedo, appeared at the door and enquired, "May I help you sir?"
"Water..." was the feeble reply.
"Oh, sir," replied the bedouin, "I'm sorry, but you can't come in here without a tie!"

My first time in my whole fucking life!

Hey everyone~ not more than 20mins ago,
I've done something for the first time of my entire
17years and 10months of life!

I've finally used a DENTAL FLOSS~!!!!

WOOHOO~!!!!

It's AMAZING!!!



Fuck! it's so late already, need to start studying for exams now^^
bye!


*************



A man takes a balloon ride at a local country fair. A fierce wind suddenly kicks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside. The man has no idea where he is, so he goes down to five meters above ground and asks a passing wanderer: "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where I am?"
Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer-by says: "You are in a downed red balloon, five meters above ground."

The balloon's unhappy resident replied, "You must be an economist!"
"How could you possible know that?" asked the passer-by.
"Because your answer is technically correct but absolutely useless, and the fact is I am still lost".
"Then you must be in management", said the passer-by.
"Thats right! How did you know?"
"You have such a good view from where you are, and yet you don't know where you are and you don't know where you are going. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now your problem is somehow my fault!"

Sales, be street smart and versatile!

A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."


************************


Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next flight. Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot."
At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling "The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"




***********************

Hey guys~!! DO YOU GUYS WANT TO HAVE EXTENDED HOLIDAYS?!!!

Hello everyone!
There's somewhat an online petition or poll by channel news asia to whether that holidays should be extended due to the H1N1 incident. The ministry of health is also
more for the idea of us staying indoors!

So take your vote here!
No harm trying though!

www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/index.htm

The left column of the page is where the poll is.
Everyone! Let us do our part to keep this H1N1 at bay
by staying safe AT HOME!!!



************************JUDGES***************************

The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, "So how do you plead?"
"Not guilty" said the second defendant.
"I wasn't talking to you" the judge replied.
"I never said a word" the third defendant replied.




------------------

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."


-----------------------


A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit. Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst. So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars.
The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed. "If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!"

Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client. The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?", the partner asked.

"But I did send them," replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the package with the plaintiff's lawyer's business card!"


----------------------------

Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence, or do
you still want to continue fighting on?"
Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took every penny."

My last week's events

A bad start for the week for me. Anyways, here are some of the
pictures i took from the newly opened shopping centre in town area called
Orchard Central. It is directly opposite Centre Point. Nearest MRT - Somerset.

Oh and some pictures i've taken in underwater world.

























































Level 7 of the shopping centre



From the level 7, taking picture of centre point



same here, from level 7