How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.

LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.

MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love".

LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing".

MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?

LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.

LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.

MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.

LOVE - When you share everything you own.

LUST - When you steal everything they own.

MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.

LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.

MARRIAGE - What's a climax?

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.

LUST - When all you write is your phone number.

MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.

LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.

LUST - When you couldn't give a shit.

MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.

LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.

MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.

LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.

MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.

LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.

MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.