Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this? " the director asked.
"When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience.
Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held. "
"Well," the young man replied "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination. "
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Start young to nurture your swindling skills
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it.
Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled! "
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.
Finding nothing, the man said,
"There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled. "
The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it.
Fifty-one people swindled! "
Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled! "
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.
Finding nothing, the man said,
"There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled. "
The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it.
Fifty-one people swindled! "
Think before you answer rashly
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis? "
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man. "
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis? "
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does. "
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis? "
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man. "
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis? "
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does. "
Sunday, April 25, 2010
To save your husband or not
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse.
Do not nag him.
Most importantly, make love to him regularly."
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely. "
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say? "
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse.
Do not nag him.
Most importantly, make love to him regularly."
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely. "
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say? "
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
Jokes for men (Please don't take this seriously and continue to love your lady more)
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course.
At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told!
No offense ladies, I do find all of you extremely important in our lives and I love the uniqueness in each and everyone of you. Without women, men are nothing
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course.
At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told!
No offense ladies, I do find all of you extremely important in our lives and I love the uniqueness in each and everyone of you. Without women, men are nothing
Friday, April 23, 2010
Saying the truth but not the situation
A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just afterarriving home from work.
As he was tuning into the evening news, the phonerang.
The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of acolleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked,
"Is it serious? "
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already! "
As he was tuning into the evening news, the phonerang.
The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of acolleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked,
"Is it serious? "
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already! "
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Whom do you prefer to operate on if you're a surgeon?
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on.
Everything inside is numbered ".
"I think librarians are the easiest " said the second surgeon.
"When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered ".
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded ".
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless,spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable. "
The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on.
Everything inside is numbered ".
"I think librarians are the easiest " said the second surgeon.
"When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered ".
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded ".
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless,spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable. "
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