A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - "Get me a coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded,
"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?! "
"No. " replied the CEO indignantly.
"Good! " replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
The garlic and foot test
If you’re skeptical that your foot is connected to your internal organs, try this simple test—and prove it to yourself...
Cut a clove of garlic in half and rub the fresh garlic side on the sole of your foot for approximately 45 seconds.
Cut a clove of garlic in half and rub the fresh garlic side on the sole of your foot for approximately 45 seconds.
How to answer your priest
Wilma and her husband Barney go to church every Sunday, and during the services Barney would fall asleep.
One afternoon Wilma goes to the priest and asks what she can do.
The priest hands her a needle and tells her to prick him with it everytime he falls asleep.
The next week at church Barney falls asleep while the priest is talking and when the priest asks who is our savior?
Wilma pokes him with the needle and he yells out JESUS!!
Soon after that he goes back to sleep.
The next question the priest asks is: Who is Jesus's Father?
Wilma pokes him with the needle and Barney yells out GOD!!and goes back to sleep.
The last question the priest asks is what did Eve say to Adam after he impregnated her for the 99th time?
Wilma pricks him with the needle again and he yells:IF YOU POKE THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE!!
One afternoon Wilma goes to the priest and asks what she can do.
The priest hands her a needle and tells her to prick him with it everytime he falls asleep.
The next week at church Barney falls asleep while the priest is talking and when the priest asks who is our savior?
Wilma pokes him with the needle and he yells out JESUS!!
Soon after that he goes back to sleep.
The next question the priest asks is: Who is Jesus's Father?
Wilma pokes him with the needle and Barney yells out GOD!!and goes back to sleep.
The last question the priest asks is what did Eve say to Adam after he impregnated her for the 99th time?
Wilma pricks him with the needle again and he yells:IF YOU POKE THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE!!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
BMW Dating with Blondes
A man is taking his girlfriend for a date in his BMW.
Man: I want to admit something if you donít mind.
I told you one lie.
I am a married person.
Blonde: Thank God, I was frightened!
I thought you would tell, this car is not yours!!
Man: I want to admit something if you donít mind.
I told you one lie.
I am a married person.
Blonde: Thank God, I was frightened!
I thought you would tell, this car is not yours!!
No offense to our Italian friends
What is the difference between an English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year.
A Sicilian actuary can not only tell you how many people are going to die, on top of that
the Sicilian actuary can give you the names to the people who are going to die.
An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year.
A Sicilian actuary can not only tell you how many people are going to die, on top of that
the Sicilian actuary can give you the names to the people who are going to die.
Old Man On A Bench
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying.
A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman.
Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing.
In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves. "
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world! "
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live! "
A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman.
Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing.
In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves. "
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world! "
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live! "
I called my boyfriend a BASTARD
GIRL: I have sinned? I called my boyfriend a BASTARD?
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me?
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this ( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD?
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top?
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? ( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD?
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? ( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he told me he has
AIDS after having sex with me.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me?
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this ( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD?
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top?
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? ( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD?
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? ( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he told me he has
AIDS after having sex with me.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
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