A man is taking his girlfriend for a date in his BMW.
Man: I want to admit something if you donít mind.
I told you one lie.
I am a married person.
Blonde: Thank God, I was frightened!
I thought you would tell, this car is not yours!!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
No offense to our Italian friends
What is the difference between an English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year.
A Sicilian actuary can not only tell you how many people are going to die, on top of that
the Sicilian actuary can give you the names to the people who are going to die.
An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year.
A Sicilian actuary can not only tell you how many people are going to die, on top of that
the Sicilian actuary can give you the names to the people who are going to die.
Old Man On A Bench
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying.
A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman.
Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing.
In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves. "
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world! "
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live! "
A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman.
Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing.
In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves. "
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world! "
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live! "
I called my boyfriend a BASTARD
GIRL: I have sinned? I called my boyfriend a BASTARD?
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me?
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this ( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD?
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top?
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? ( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD?
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? ( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he told me he has
AIDS after having sex with me.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me?
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this ( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD?
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top?
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? ( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD?
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? ( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he told me he has
AIDS after having sex with me.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Don't step on the ducks!!!
Three very kind women unfortunately died in a car accident.
Being kind have given them the privilege to go to heaven.
Upon reaching the heaven's gate, a saint is standing there to welcome the ladies and to brief them on the rule.
The saint told them that they can do whatever they want in heaven, but must never step on the ducks.
Puzzled as you are, the women agreed and went right through the gates of heaven.
Once they've set foot into heaven, they see heavenly ducks everywhere..
Unintentionally, the first woman stepped on a duck on her first day in heaven.
The saint who greeted them then approach her with an ugly man and chain the both of them together.
Saint: This is the punishment for stepping the duck. Now you have to spend eternity with this man as punishment. I told you~
The two women who came with the woman being chained was shocked and thereafter they have been very careful with every step they take.
After a few weeks of carefully taken steps by the remaining two women, one accidentally stepped on a duck.
The same fate as the first woman follows....
Feeling very fearful, the last remaining woman have thus became even more careful than before..
After months of avoiding duck stepping,
the saint approach the last woman with a very handsome man and chain the both of them together.
Jubilantly the woman ask: OH my~!!! What good have I done to deserve such a fine man?! Grrrr~!!!(purr/growl like a cat)
The handsome man replied: I don't know what good you have done in your previous life Mam, but I've stepped on a duck
Being kind have given them the privilege to go to heaven.
Upon reaching the heaven's gate, a saint is standing there to welcome the ladies and to brief them on the rule.
The saint told them that they can do whatever they want in heaven, but must never step on the ducks.
Puzzled as you are, the women agreed and went right through the gates of heaven.
Once they've set foot into heaven, they see heavenly ducks everywhere..
Unintentionally, the first woman stepped on a duck on her first day in heaven.
The saint who greeted them then approach her with an ugly man and chain the both of them together.
Saint: This is the punishment for stepping the duck. Now you have to spend eternity with this man as punishment. I told you~
The two women who came with the woman being chained was shocked and thereafter they have been very careful with every step they take.
After a few weeks of carefully taken steps by the remaining two women, one accidentally stepped on a duck.
The same fate as the first woman follows....
Feeling very fearful, the last remaining woman have thus became even more careful than before..
After months of avoiding duck stepping,
the saint approach the last woman with a very handsome man and chain the both of them together.
Jubilantly the woman ask: OH my~!!! What good have I done to deserve such a fine man?! Grrrr~!!!(purr/growl like a cat)
The handsome man replied: I don't know what good you have done in your previous life Mam, but I've stepped on a duck
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)