A classic example of how liars are being treated

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail.

The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch.

A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage.

Finding the politicians he buries them.

The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man.

"So you buried all the politicians? " asked the police officer.

"Were they all dead? "

The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie. "

What you ask for is what you get, perhaps not

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.
Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!

Stupidity at its finest phase!

The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there.

"Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department. "

"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered.

"Look."
He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway.

"Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.

Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.

"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President, scratching his head.
"I would have phoned. "

Mode of payment

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment.

But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will. "

"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change... "

Employers, be careful how you advertise for recruitment

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this? " the director asked.

"When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience.

Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held. "

"Well," the young man replied "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination. "

Start young to nurture your swindling skills

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it.

Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled! "

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.

Finding nothing, the man said,
"There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled. "

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it.
Fifty-one people swindled! "

Think before you answer rashly

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis? "

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man. "

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis? "

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does. "