For a week's joyful of laughter!

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

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A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.

"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.

"10..." says the doctor.

"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.

"10...9...8...7..."

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The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."


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A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"


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"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"


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A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman point and then touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."



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"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."
"Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."


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A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"


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A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."



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"Are you an organ donor?"
"No, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army."

(there's instrument name organ)

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Nervous? On top of that says stupid things?

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like potato pancakes?" She says "No," and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

Hmm~ so tell me, are you dumb or are you dumb?

Caller: Hello, is this the Help Line?

HelpLine: Yes, it is. How may I help you?

Caller: The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?

HelpLine: I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?

Caller: Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer.

HelpLine: Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?

Caller: It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it.




At this point the HelpLine operator realized that the caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

Never NEVER TO GET INVOLVED WITH A LINGUISTICS! ( JUST FOR LAUGHS - NO OFFENSE )

A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, "Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?"
The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"

The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?"


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The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised." She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."


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(You guys may want to read it a few times to comprehend it)
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."

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A nun is undressing for a bath and while she's standing naked, there's a knock at the door. The nun calls, "Who is it?"

A voice answers, "A blind salesman."

The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she's naked so she lets him in. The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and says, "Uhhhh, well hello there, can I sell you a blind, dearie...?"

Disadvantages of online chats with acronyms.

Most people are not real when expressing their positive sides.
However, that does not mean humans are born liars because
they are always real when expressing negatively

The boss is the most valuable asset! As in finance

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".
"Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man.
The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"


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PLEASE REMEMBER TO VOTE THE POLL ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE BAR!

READ THE QUESTION CAREFULLY*

MY EVIL TWIN!!! BARLEY!!! Lead the healthy lifestyle if not .. START FROM ZERO HOR!!

Oh yes!!

I am here to tell you guys about my evil twin!
The name is orangesoda!
She is bad bad bad LEO!!!

She has put on weight ever since she ... kekeke

PS ah don't say don't say, you know I know can liao.
She's always so lazy at work!
Say wanna go home early today to rest!
In the end online talk talk talk non-stop!
LIKE those techno non-stop hits!!!


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oh yea~ did i mention to you guys that i have a gan ma(god-mother)?

she recommend me to have barley and
sent me a mail on this, and now i'll share it with you

Godmom's quote:

Good for Diabetics as well as colon cleansing.....

SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS......

High in fibre, barley is also a kidney cleanser . Better yet, regular
intake of it helps prevent heart disease .

EU KHAW writes :-

BARLEY water was always a regular drink when we were still living at
home. Whenever we had to go for a medical exam that included a urine
test, my mum would make us drink barley water a day before it to make
sure we got a positive result!

My mother was a wise woman. I later found out from an Australian
naturopath that barley is known to be a kidney cleanser, and he happily
downed glasses of it at a meal we had in a coffeeshop here.

Barley is good for your intestinal health too. Try to eat the barley
grains you find in your drink or sweet broth with fu chook (beancurd
skin) and ginkgo nuts.

It's high in fibre which feeds the friendly bacteria in the colon and
helps speed up the transit of fecal matter in it. In this way it helps
prevent haemorrhoids and colon
cancer. The propionic acid and beta glucan from barley's insoluble fibre
also help lower cholesterol and prevent the formation of gallstones.

Eating barley regularly is a preventive step against heart disease as,
besides the fibre content, it is also high in niacin, a B vitamin good
for lowering cholesterol.

Diabetics should eat more barley as the fibre will prevent blood sugar
levels from rising too high. It also provides relief from constipation
or diarrhoea for those suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Barley is rich in selenium which prevents cancer and relieves symptoms
of asthma and arthritis. It is a good source of manganese, copper and
phosphorous. Malt sugar comes from sprouted barley which, when
fermented, is an ingredient in beer and other alcoholic beverages.

Barley, whose Latin name is Hordeum vulgare, has been cultivated for
more than 10,000 years. Since ancient times, barley has been used for
healing purposes and has been known to the Chinese, Egyptians, Greeks
and Romans. Athletes in Greece and Rome in those days were known to eat
barley bread to give them strength.

Besides the usual things we do with barley, I enjoy having it in a
western soup. The larger pearl barley is used and I love the sticky bite
of it.

Here's a recipe for barley soup:-

Barley soup with roasted garlic
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1 cup pearl barley
5 cloves whole garlic, roasted
2 litres chicken stock, steeped from 1 chicken breasts simmered in 3
litres water
2 tbsps vegetable oil
2 large onions, diced
2 carrots, diced
2 stalks celery, diced
150g turkey ham, cut up
1 tsp ground white pepper
1 tsps sea salt or to taste
1 tbsp chopped parsley

Method
-----------
1. Wash barley and soak it in a bowl of water for three hours. Drain.

2. Heat oil in pan & fry onions. Add carrots & celery, then the barley &
fry for 3 minutes.

3. Add chicken stock, pepper & roasted garlic, simmer over low heat for
at least 1 hour, or until barley is soft.

4. Add salt to taste and serve the soup garnished with chopped parsley.

Something2share:

Barley with lime is my favourite drink (No ice and no sugar).





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