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Saturday, June 9, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
That's what I can leveraging on others
A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out.
She's not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail:
"Dear sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?"
The farmer writes back: "Honey, don't go near that field. That's where all my guns are buried."
But, because he is in jail all of the farmer's mail is censored. So when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging, they don't find one single weapon.
The farmer then writes to his wife: "Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes."
Monday, January 9, 2012
Geeks Sex Language
Boy: can i touch ur software?
Girl: show me first ur hardware
Boy: can i install it in ur system?
Girl: OK!if u cover it with anti-virus first
Girl: show me first ur hardware
Boy: can i install it in ur system?
Girl: OK!if u cover it with anti-virus first
Hand in dark and stormy night
A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed.
The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door only to realize that nobody was behind the wheel.
The car started slowly.
The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.
Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.
The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. "Look, that's the character who climbed into our car while we were pushing!"
The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door only to realize that nobody was behind the wheel.
The car started slowly.
The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.
Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.
The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. "Look, that's the character who climbed into our car while we were pushing!"
Hairstyle that makes your dick looks short
A man moves into a nudist colony.
He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.
He's really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style.... it makes your nose look too short.
He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.
He's really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style.... it makes your nose look too short.
1, 2 , 3 for erection and 1, 2, 3, 4 for de-rection
After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform.
He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally the doctor says to him "This is all in your mind." And refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits to the shrink, he confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor says, "I can cure this."
He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say `123` and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it`s over?"
The witch doctor says "All you or your partner has to say is `1234` and it will go down.
But be warned; it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets an erection.
His wife turns over and says "What did you say `123` for?"
He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally the doctor says to him "This is all in your mind." And refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits to the shrink, he confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor says, "I can cure this."
He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say `123` and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it`s over?"
The witch doctor says "All you or your partner has to say is `1234` and it will go down.
But be warned; it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets an erection.
His wife turns over and says "What did you say `123` for?"
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Forgotten Disabilities
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep. "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"
You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep. "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"
You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
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